vapidfloozy | IC inbox

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"Hello there! This is Inigo, and if you're a beautiful lady calling for a date, then I'm going to be kicking myself for missing the dulcet tones of your voice! Leave me a message of love, and I promise your sweet words will get my heart thumping in no time. I'll call you back as soon as I can!

...oh, and if anyone wants anything else, leave a message."

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Hey, Oi Sasuke--

Are y'there?

Man, this thing has been like stupid right? I think I accidentally touched that ice too much, my fingers still feel frozen.

We should go out for ramen, yeah? I'm gonna get Gaara to come too.

I'm coming over there now. I can see your house.

Er, yeah I'm here. You comin' down?

[Gosh, what's this? Clearly missent! But he seems friendly, it would be rude to ignore it!]

Hello, my mysterious friend! I'm afraid I'm not Sasuke, but you ought to know that if you're taking your girlfriend out, inviting someone else along is a terrible idea. Three's a crowd!

[Because... Sasuke could be a girl's name, right?? Inigo is full of helpful advice!]

Ramen, though, now that's a good idea. Girls love noodles!

[You know what?

At first he was just annoyed. Just how many people did this stupid message get sent to?

Now he's mortified.]

... Sasuke's not a girl.

It ain't a date, alright! There's a bunch of people, we're gonna go get ramen.

okay right person this time

SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHY WERE YOU STEALING DEAD ANIMALS

I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MY BOSS YOU KNOW

you are so messed up oh my god

So... a group date, then?

[Look, this is important!]

How many pretty girls are coming? Maybe I'll join you!

excuse me I haven't been stealing any dead animals! that's sick! who are you, some kind of pervert who wanders around accusing people of crazy things???? you should think before you say things like that! what if people believed you and everyone thought I had some kind of sick dead animal obsession!

oh hey do you know a guy named henry by any chance

...youre not henry??

if youre lying to get out of trouble im gonna be pissed

It's not a date.

[For goodness sake, come on! However... now you go on and say something like that.]

... Girls?

Uh, I dunno? A couple?

I'm way more handsome and charming than henry, you should be able to tell that just from looking at me. also I'm not obsessed with dead things!

but if you have a problem with henry you've got to go through me first anyway

unless it's a really messed up problem

Then it's a date! You should invite a few more, the prettiest ones you can find. And me. No date is complete without Inigo!

[Sounds totally legit, right?]

Inigo?

That's your name?

[He's not going to go out of his way to invite girls... whoever turns up, turns up.]

but i dont know hat you look like. if i did i wouldnt have thought you were henry

anyway how does stealing dead animals from my pet store and throwing them at frost giants sound???

That's my name! Tell all your lady friends. And what do you go by?

then I guess we'll have to meet so you can compare me and henry and be impressed by how much more charming I am even if you're not a girl (are you a girl??)

ha! ha! oh that henry, he's such a card

sorry about your dead animals

....im not a girl, dude

uh- i just. what?

who the hell are you??

well, that's too bad, then.

I'm inigo! henry and I are from the same world. I'm widely known as a casanova and ladies' man. soon the lovely lasses of this place will be swooning at my feet too! do you know any?

...no.

i mean i know girls but not... the swooning kind i guess.

henry is from your world?

[Because he and Isaac will never actually be able to communicate over their dead animals.]

Hey hey, don't ask where I got 'em, but I've got a whoooole lot of mice over here with your name on them! I missed so- I mean, they didn't all die, isn't that great?! The crows are starting to go crazy so they're hiding in my closet for now, but you should probably move quick!

when they meet me they'll turn into the swooning kind, trust me

yes! henry and I are comrades in arms, and he's a friend of my mother and father

[...what.]

I don't remember asking for any mice! Maybe if I had a cat? Hmm, what does one use mice for if you don't have a cat to feed... ah, I know! I could set one loose and comfort the girls who scream and faint.

[Isaac you are sounding suspiciously like Inigo! But that's okay he can go with this.]

Sure, I can save a couple for you if you want! Maybe you could keep 'em in a little box up your sleeve, and toss them out at girls when they weren't looking!

[He has no idea what's going on!]

But how would I feed them? I don't want to have dead mice stuck in my sleeves. I'm pretty sure the ladies wouldn't like that at all.

Aw, they'll eat just about anything! Sneak 'em a bit of bread or cheese sometime, and they'll be fine!

[There's no way this can go wrong.]

Huh. How many do you have? I'm sure I don't need that many mice for this plan! But then, I wouldn't want to try to catch them after I let them go...

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Day 308

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